Bitterness – Part I: A study of Esau

What is Bitterness?

• Bitterness is loss frozen in resentment. Bitterness grows out of our refusal to let go when someone or something is taken from us
• Showing or caused by strong unrelenting hostility or resentment.
• marked by cynicism

The Story of Esau – Esau gave up his birthright for food. He gave up his inheritance because of a temporary set back.

Gen 25 (NLT)
24 And when the time came to give birth, Rebekah discovered that she did indeed have twins! 25 The first one was very red at birth and covered with thick hair like a fur coat. So they named him Esau. 26 Then the other twin was born with his hand grasping Esau’s heel. So they named him Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when the twins were born.
27 As the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter. He was an outdoorsman, but Jacob had a quiet temperament, preferring to stay at home. 28 Isaac loved Esau because he enjoyed eating the wild game Esau brought home, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

29 One day when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau arrived home from the wilderness exhausted and hungry. 30 Esau said to Jacob, “I’m starved! Give me some of that red stew!” (This is how Esau got his other name, Edom, which means “red.”)
31 “All right,” Jacob replied, “but trade me your rights as the firstborn son.” 32 “Look, I’m dying of starvation!” said Esau. “What good is my birthright to me now?”

33 But Jacob said, “First you must swear that your birthright is mine.” So Esau swore an oath, thereby selling all his rights as the firstborn to his brother, Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and lentil stew. Esau ate the meal, then got up and left. He showed contempt for his rights as the firstborn.

Here it tells us that Esau was a “skillful hunter” and an “outdoorsman”. Yet in verse 29 – Esau came in from the wilderness exhausted and hungry. His skills had let him down. What he was good at was not evident on this trip because a skilled hunter and outdoorsman should not come back from the wilderness hungry. He should have been able to hunt, kill and cook and animal. That was his talent. Sometimes what we are good at, what we are anointed for and called to do, what our skills and passion make us perfect for doesn’t work and even let us down and fail us.

We should have been able to deal with that situation better; we should have been strong enough, bright enough and insightful enough. We should have had the grace, faith and patience. We should have succeeded; after all it is what we are anointed to do.

But on this particular occasion, we return exhausted and hungry.

Esau’s own report of the situation tells us that he thought he was “dying of starvation”. When things start to go wrong, especially things that we should be good at, we have a great tendency to exaggerate our view of events and we can see things much worse than they really are.

Esau here, out of his failure sells his birthright for a small meal. Now understand what Esau’s birthright is. His inheritance is great. Isaac was extremely wealthy. He was so wealthy infact that the King couldn’t compete with him and asked him to leave the country. And all of that was Esau’s birthright. Yet, out of desperation, out of frustration with his failures and out of the wrong view of events, he swaps a massive inheritance for a small, insignificant meal.

Sure the meal looked good. I am sure that Esau had immense hunger. The food was there – delicious and ready to go. It met his imminent needs and solved the problem. After the failure of the hunt – this seemed like a dream come true. But his loses were colossal. He paid an expensive price for that meal.

Yet I see this time and time again in the church. People are let down. They are disappointed. Things haven’t worked out the way they should have and so walk away from their inheritance for a small insignificant meal.

This is classical with single people. They believed God for a mate, pray and fast. They spend hours sorting out issues in their life preparing for the mate to come along. Yet they return from the hunt exhausted and hungry. They are weary. And in the midst of that confusion, someone comes along who flatters you and offers all of these that you want, right there in that instance. It seems like a dream come true. Only they are not a Christian. But they are kind, and a good person. Beside you like the attention – no one in church gave you that. They all rejected you when you tried to get close.

The meal is set. And you eat. You have satisfied the temporary hunger but given up your inheritance. You have the relationship but more than likely, this has been at the expense of your relationship with God, church and close friends.

I don’t know how long Esau hunted for, nor do I know how many times he said to himself, “Something will come along soon…just a few more minutes…just one more try.” I am sure that he didn’t give up at the first hurdle but he was worn down. He’d had enough. He was tired of his gift. It wasn’t working.

But that is no reason to give up and sell our inheritance. Esau could have used his standing as the first born son, his claim the inheritance and demanded food. He had the wealth and ability to do that. Just because his gifting had failed doesn’t mean that he still can’t get what he needs.

Just because you and I have failed, just because the mate hasn’t come along yet doesn’t mean that we can’t exercise our right-standing before God and still get our needs met. Use your inheritance, don’t squander it. Don’t sell out that easily. Esau did, and he starts to become resentful and bitter.

This foolish acts causes Esau to grow resentful and bitter

Proverbs 19:3 (Amp)
3 The foolishness of man subverts his way [ruins his affairs]; then his heart is resentful and frets against the Lord.

As Esau became bitter, he could blame God, he could blame his crafty brother or his mother that always favoured the other son. Bitter and resentful people tend to that. They are king of the alibi and cry with frequency, “If only…”.

It is amazing how many times we make a foolish decision and ruin our affairs and then blame the whole thing on someone else, or worse – God. It is God’s fault; he didn’t provide me with a mate. It is God’s fault, I tried and it all failed around me. It is my Dad’s fault; he never spent enough time with me as a child. If only life had given me a better break. If only my mum would have said kind words to me. If only…If only…it’s their fault…. The language is never “me” or “I”.

Not only do we become self obsessed, we start to affect those around us too.

Genesis 26 (Amp)
34Now Esau was 40 years old when he took as wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite.

35And they made life bitter and a grief of mind and spirit for Isaac and Rebekah [their parents-in-law].

Proverbs 17 (Amp)
24 A man of understanding sets skillful and godly Wisdom before his face, but the eyes of a [self-confident] fool are on the ends of the earth.
25 A self-confident and foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him.

Esau’s bitterness and resentment spreads. It affects his parents, especially (I think) his mother.  When we don’t face our issues, continue to blame those around us and develop bitterness in our hearts, we not only ruin our lives, but we can quickly damage the lives of others, especially those closest to us.

The final stage of untreated bitterness and resentment is anger. This has been building up in Esau for many years. Jacob takes the blessing (something Esau had sold to him anyway) and that is the final straw.

Occasionally, the people we blame for our failures in life do things to further cement our belief. “See there, I told that they did it, they have just done it again”. The “reason” Esau lost his birthright is the same “reason” he lost his blessing – Jacob. And now the bitterness turns to anger. Anger leads to hate (now I want to say: “and hate leads to the dark side” for all you Star Wars fans). And now he is plotting murder in his heart.

41 From that time on, Esau hated Jacob because their father had given Jacob the blessing. And Esau began to scheme: “I will soon be mourning my father’s death. Then I will kill my brother, Jacob.”

We may not wish to kill those that we blame, but we may feel anger towards them. This, mixed with resentment, is a deadly cocktail. We rejoice when things go wrong in their lives. We are happy when they suffer misfortune.

Looking at the story of Esau we can learn a lot, especially about ourselves. If we are brutally honest with ourselves – we can see similar characteristics. It comes down to untreated bitterness. It doesn’t come down to what other people did or didn’t do to you. It may be hard, but you have a choice on how that affects you. It is your decision. Period. It doesn’t come down to failures of deceit. It doesn’t come down to how hard you did or didn’t try. It doesn’t even come down to your parents and what they did or didn’t give or what you where cheated out of. It comes down to untreated bitterness in our hearts, that over the years has eaten away at the very core of who we are and what God has made us to be. It is time to stop the rot.