Bitterness – Part V: How to deal with bitterness

Ephesians 4:25-32 (New Living Translation)
25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

The Bible is really clear, so clear in fact that we have had to have help to misunderstand it! Look at verse 31 again – GET RID OF ALL BITTERNESS.

We have seen how the Bible tells us that Bitterness is not good for us. It harms us and it harms those around us. The Bible tells us that we should look out for our Brothers and Sisters so that they don’t let Bitterness grow its poisonous roots in their lives.

And just incase we haven’t got the message – Paul tells us to get rid of all bitterness. Not just a part of it. Not just the part that we feel like giving up. Not just the parts that we can let go of at a push. Get rid of all of it. Let’s do what the Bible tells us to do and get rid of all bitterness. Let’s make that decision, a quality decision, that with the help of the Holy Spirit – we will get free and stay free of any and all bitterness.

Let’s look at those verses again –

1. Don’t let anger control you. As we have seen there is a link between Bitterness and anger. Often, you can’t deal with one and not deal with the other. It is time to stop being angry.
2. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger – that means, deal with it, and deal with it quickly. Don’t wait. The same with bitterness. As we know – scripture calls bitterness a root. It is much easier to deal with that root when it is small that when it is large. Keep short accounts. Deal with things quickly.
3. The Amplified reads: 26 When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down. 27 Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him]. Don’t give the devil an opportunity in your life – you do that by dealing with things, and dealing with them quickly.

So how do we do that? How do we get rid of all bitterness?

Eph 4: 31-31 (Amplified Bible)
31 Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).

32 And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.

So, as mentioned above – we must recognize that Bitterness doesn’t operate alone. When dealing with our bitterness, we often must face the issues of anger, rage, bad tempers, resentment, animosity, quarreling, contention, slander, abusive speech – all of those things we have to banish.

We have to do it too. Sure the Holy Spirit will help us, but He won’t come and magically take it out of us. We have to get rid of it. We have to banish it – with the Holy Spirit’s help. But we have to make the first move. We have to do something – and that something we have to do is in the very next verse: become kind, understanding and FORGIVE.

You see, we can become kind. We can become understanding. If we just make the first move – then the Holy Spirit will help us, and that first move is to forgive. I mean good old fashioned Biblical forgiveness. Not the token words “Oh, I forgive them”. This is not a token gesture, it is not a head choice. It is a choice to forgive and release a person of the debt – completely and utterly and live life, believe and talk like they owe you nothing. In other words, you have to forgive just as Christ forgave you.

Forgiveness is the only way to deal with Bitterness

Matthew 6:12
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors.

On our church encounter weekends, I often teach on Forgiveness. It is such a powerful topic. Here are some steps that we talk about that will help you:

How to forgive

1. Spend some time waiting on the Holy Spirit to bring to mind areas where you have felt hurt or sinned against in some way. What do you feel bitter about? Don’t agonise over whether they meant ill or not. You don’t need to understand it at the moment. If you felt it (and still feel it), that is sufficient to have to deal with it now. If there are issues from the past that you know you have dealt with and have totally forgiven for (they will have no pain associated with the memory or may even be forgotten), then ignore these issues
2. Make a list of all the people who have hurt you on one side of a sheet of paper, then opposite their names in the middle of the sheet a list of all the things that they have done against you (its important to be specific). What did they do to make you feel bitter, resentful or angry? Finally on the right side of the paper list any thing that you have felt ‘owed’ as a result of the offence. If you are unsure, put it down anyway.
3. There may be some things that you feel against God e.g. feeling let down by Him. Make a separate list of these on another sheet
4. When the list is complete (take as much time as you need) start to work through the list one item at a time. Speak out to God your forgiveness of that person for the specific offence. E.g. “Heavenly Father, I forgive my dad for beating me unjustly when I spilled a cup of tea when I was 7 years old” or if you are feeling more brave add (as though your dad was sitting in front of you) “ Dad, I forgive you for beating me when I was 7”. At the end of each one also speak out your cancelling of any debt, e.g. “I release you from the debt of justice and an apology that you owe me”. It is very helpful to have a witness to what you are doing, they act in the same way as a witness to a legal document. It avoids any later uncertainty or accusation about the issue. You did it and it was witnessed, that is the end of it!
5. With the issues that you feel against God, you cannot forgive God because He cannot sin. What you must do is acknowledge that He is Good and ask His forgiveness for holding that grudge against Him.
6. Thank God for releasing you from the consequences of unforgiveness

Remember – there may be a battle. Keep the sheet. Date it and sign it. Have it witnessed. And when you start to feel bitter or angry again, when the devil starts to bring his attack – just read that piece of paper out loud, “No you don’t devil. I forgave that person on this date. I released them from any debt they owe me. I refuse to allow bitterness and unforgiveness to creep back in! In the name of Jesus, take your lies and get!”

Forgiveness is a decision. It is not a feeling. It is a choice that you make. It might be easy or it might be hard to do. But you do have to do it – regardless of what they did to you otherwise bitterness will continue to eat away at you and poison you life and the lives of others.

Once you have done this, make sure that you carefully watch what comes out of your mouth. Are they words of death? Are you still speaking out of bitterness and unforgiveness? Or are you starting to speak out of life and compassion. Forgiveness is a wonderful language to talk – you just have to make the decision to do it.