10 Things to remember when saying “I’m Sorry”

I was listening to the audio version of ReWork yesterday. It’s a great book – short, straight-talking and very practical. Loved it – can recommend it. It was listening to the chapter “How to say you’re sorry” (which is interesting to me as in a few weeks, I’m doing a talk on the subject of forgiveness).

“There’s never really a great way to say you’re sorry, but there are plenty of terrible ways.” And there are indeed, plenty of terrible ways. Some I have done, some I have been the recipient of.

Terrible ways to say you’re sorry

“One of the worst ways is the non-apology apology, which sounds like and apology but doesn’t really accept any blame. For example, “We’re sorry if this upset you”…whatever.”

The first thing we must do is just accept responsibility, period. Be a man. Own up and face up. No “ifs” nor “buts”.

The worst ever apology “We apologise for any inconvenience caused”

In ReWork they talk about the phrase “We apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused” and look at why it is bad:

1. “We” – never use group ownership, use “I”, don’t hide behind the group. Take responsibility.
2. You NEVER use the phrase “apologise” you always say – I am really, really sorry. Use language that is sincere and genuine. Not flowerery phrases.
3. “any inconvenience…” There is no understanding of what has happened to the person. Blanket apologies don’t work. Also – for most people, it is usually more than an inconvenience. As REWORK mentions, it is often a “crisis” for your customer. It can be a gut wrenching, soul destroying, heart-breaking event for someone.
4. “this MAY have caused…” again – this is not understanding individual cases. You are saying to people, “look – you might be hacked off, but most people aren’t. So you’re a bit of a freak – so just to show some good-will, we are offering you this non-apology apology.” Apologise to people that you have affected. Don’t apologise to those that you haven’t affected. Stop wavering.

10 Things to remember when saying “I’m Sorry”

1. How would you feel if the apology you are about to offer were offered to you?
2. Take responsibility! Stop being wishy-washy.
3. Don’t make conditional statements ie…”I’m sorry if we offended you”
4. Use “I” not “we”
5. Be genuine
6. Try hard to understand the affects that you have had on people – did you cause an inconvenience or did you cause a crisis? Did you upset them, or did you rip out their heart and stamp all over it?
7. Take action – don’t just say sorry and do nothing if there is something you can do put things right.
8. Don’t use crazy language – be you. Say it from the heart.
9. Don’t hide from what happened, ie. “I’m sorry but if you hadn’t have done this…I wouldn’t have done…” This is not about them. It is about you.
10. Be quick to apologise, “I’m sorry for being such a donkey 3 weeks ago” doesn’t work. Also be the first to apologise.

What are some of the best/worst apologies that you have heard/seen/done? What are your top tips for saying “I’m Sorry”?

Church Marketing 101 book notes. 10 free copies available

I mentioned a while ago that I was reading a book called Church Marketing 101 by Richard L Reising – well, finally, I have sat down to write a review on the book. (In my last post on this – I asked why Americans insisted on using their middle initial all the time – Richard kindly wrote to me and told me – thanks Richard!)

Should you buy and read this book?

Absolutely. It is a great book for any Christian to read, and especially those who are in leadership of some kind. I loved it and got a lot out of it – you should too. I believe that people should read this so much, that I am giving away 10 copies of the book (see below on how to get one).

OK – that said, why?

Honestly, I am sat in Starbucks at the moment drinking a cup of tea (don’t like coffee) and using their WiFi. Right outside is a group of lovely and well meaning Christians with an amplifier playing “You are my rock in times of trouble”. Oh, and I am sat in Slough which has a large Asian community. People are walking past either ignoring or laughing and joking at the Christians as they pass by. No one is taking a tract and no one is stopping to talk to them, yet, at least.

They have obviously not read this book.

Read More

Cardboard Testimonies

This is a great video as it touches a number of my passions: I love to hear people’s stories, especially those that tell of God’s amazing ability to intervene in human circumstance and change it – and the other is that of presentation. This simple method of presentation is incredibly powerful, much better than having each of them talk – it adds much more impact.

Have a look: http://www.rhchurch.org/pages/cardboard-testimonies/

Why Men Hate Going to Church

I’ve read a great book recently – so good in fact, that I read it twice (the second time, making notes, underlining and generally de-facing the book all designed to help me remember with a little more clarity than I usually do). And I recommend you read it: Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow.

You won’t agree with all of it, and it may even make you a little angry in places (especially if you are the strung out feminist type) – but it will challenge you to think and at least form some of your own ideas.
The book is about why the number of males sitting on our church pews is diminishing. What is it about church that men hate and so don’t turn up?

There is one word that comes out time and time again throughout the book (and I have previously blogged about this word, because it is a word that really does not resonate with me), and the word is NICE. The men that do go to church end up turning into nice men: humble, tidy, dutiful even if a little boring.

Yet NICE is killing the male spirit, it is killing the church. It is time to stop being nice.

Read More

Church Marketing & Beyond Relevance

Here’s a fun blog that I found recently thanks to Jerad Hill’s link – beyondrelevance.com. The owner of the blog, Richard L Reising (is it just me, or do other people wonder what the facination if America has with their middle initial?) was a clever marketing guy who from all accounts packed it all in and went and worked for the church.

So his take on it all is about how the church markets itself – which I find fascinating, even to the point where I have ordered his book (will let you know what I think of it once I have read it).

I am sure that I am doing him an injustice with this description – but one thing you should look at is his video: What if Starbucks Marketed Like the Church: A Parable

He’s given you the ability!

What happens when you become perfect?

Taken from: http://www.cartoonchurch.com/blog/

“That’s my king” by Dr. S.M. Lockridge

“The Bible says my King is a seven-way king….He’s the King of the Jews; that’s a racial king….He’s the King of Israel; that’s a national King….He’s the King of Righteousness….He’s the King of the Ages…..He’s the King of Heaven….He’s the King of Glory….He’s the King of kings, and He’s the Lord of lords. That’s my King. Well….I wonder, do you know Him?….”

“David said, “The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings. He’s enduringly strong….He’s entirely sincere….He’s eternally steadfast….He’s immortally graceful….He’s imperially powerful….He’s impartially merciful……. Do you know Him?”

“He’s the greatest phenomenon that ever crossed the horizon of this world. He’s God’s Son….He’s a sinner’s Saviour….He’s the centerpiece of civilization….He stands in the solitude of Himself….He’s august….He’s unique….He’s unparalleled….He’s unprecedented….He’s the loftiest idea in literature….He’s the highest personality in philosophy….He’s the supreme problem in higher criticism….He’s the fundamental doctrine of true theology….He’s the cardinal necessity for spiritual religion….He’s the miracle of the age…. He’s… Yes He is….He’s the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him….He’s the only one qualified to be an all sufficient Saviour…… I wonder if you know Him today?”

“He supplies strength for the weak….He’s available for the tempted and the tried….He sympathizes and He saves….He strengthens and sustains….He guards and He guides….He heals the sick….He cleanses lepers….He forgives sinners….He discharges debtors….He delivers the captives….He defends the feeble….He blesses the young….He serves the unfortunate….He regards the aged….He rewards the diligent….and He beautifies the meek……. I wonder if you know Him?”

“Well, mister, my King….He is the Key….He’s the key to knowledge….He’s the wellspring of wisdom….He’s the doorway of deliverance….He’s the pathway of peace….He’s the roadway of righteousness ….He’s the highway of holiness….He’s the gateway of glory……. Do you know Him?”

“Well….His office is manifold….His promise is sure….His light is matchless….His goodness is limitless….His mercy is everlasting….His love never changes….His word is enough….His grace is sufficient….His reign is righteous….and His yoke is easy, and his burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you, …..but He’s indescrib……..Yea!!! Yea…Yea….He’s indescribable…..Yes He is!!! Good God! He’s, He’s indescribable….Yes, He’s indescribable….He’s incomprehensible….He’s invincible….He’s irresistible.”

“Well, you can’t get Him out of your mind….You can’t get Him off of your hand….You can’t out live Him, and you can’t live without Him….The Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him….Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him….The witnesses couldn’t get their testimonies to agree….Herod couldn’t kill Him….Death couldn’t handle Him, and the grave couldn’t hold Him. Yea!!!, that’s my King, that’s my King.”

“And…”Thine is the Kingdom….and the Power….and the Glory….Forever”….and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever. How long is that? And ever…and ever…and when you get through with all the forevers, then…. AMEN!….Good God Almighty….AMEN!

To hear the MP3 – visit: http://www.bryanturner.org/downloads/mp3/myking/MyKing.mp3

Or, if your want a version jazzed up to music by Scott Blackwell, try: http://www.bryanturner.org/downloads/mp3/myking/MyKing-ScottBlackwell-Clip.mp3