Matt Edmundson » Books n stuff

10 Things to remember when saying “I’m Sorry”

Matt — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 09:26:57 +0000

I was listening to the audio version of ReWork yesterday. It’s a great book – short, straight-talking and very practical. Loved it – can recommend it. It was listening to the chapter “How to say you’re sorry” (which is interesting to me as in a few weeks, I’m doing a talk on the subject of forgiveness).

“There’s never really a great way to say you’re sorry, but there are plenty of terrible ways.” And there are indeed, plenty of terrible ways. Some I have done, some I have been the recipient of.

Terrible ways to say you’re sorry

“One of the worst ways is the non-apology apology, which sounds like and apology but doesn’t really accept any blame. For example, “We’re sorry if this upset you”…whatever.”

The first thing we must do is just accept responsibility, period. Be a man. Own up and face up. No “ifs” nor “buts”.

The worst ever apology “We apologise for any inconvenience caused”

In ReWork they talk about the phrase “We apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused” and look at why it is bad:

“We” – never use group ownership, use “I”, don’t hide behind the group. Take responsibility.
You NEVER use the phrase “apologise” you always say – I am really, really sorry. Use language that is sincere and genuine. Not flowerery phrases.
“any inconvenience…” There is no understanding of what has happened to the person. Blanket apologies don’t work. Also – for most people, it is usually more than an inconvenience. As REWORK mentions, it is often a “crisis” for your customer. It can be a gut wrenching, soul destroying, heart-breaking event for someone.
“this MAY have caused…” again – this is not understanding individual cases. You are saying to people, “look – you might be hacked off, but most people aren’t. So you’re a bit of a freak – so just to show some good-will, we are offering you this non-apology apology.” Apologise to people that you have affected. Don’t apologise to those that you haven’t affected. Stop wavering.

10 Things to remember when saying “I’m Sorry”

How would you feel if the apology you are about to offer were offered to you?
Take responsibility! Stop being wishy-washy.
Don’t make conditional statements ie…”I’m sorry if we offended you”
Use “I” not “we”
Be genuine
Try hard to understand the affects that you have had on people – did you cause an inconvenience or did you cause a crisis? Did you upset them, or did you rip out their heart and stamp all over it?
Take action – don’t just say sorry and do nothing if there is something you can do put things right.
Don’t use crazy language – be you. Say it from the heart.
Don’t hide from what happened, ie. “I’m sorry but if you hadn’t have done this…I wouldn’t have done…” This is not about them. It is about you.
Be quick to apologise, “I’m sorry for being such a donkey 3 weeks ago” doesn’t work. Also be the first to apologise.

What are some of the best/worst apologies that you have heard/seen/done? What are your top tips for saying “I’m Sorry”?

Church Marketing 101 book notes. 10 free copies available

Matt — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 14:59:15 +0000

I mentioned a while ago that I was reading a book called Church Marketing 101 by Richard L Reising – well, finally, I have sat down to write a review on the book. (In my last post on this – I asked why Americans insisted on using their middle initial all the time – Richard kindly wrote to me and told me – thanks Richard!)

Should you buy and read this book?

Absolutely. It is a great book for any Christian to read, and especially those who are in leadership of some kind. I loved it and got a lot out of it – you should too. I believe that people should read this so much, that I am giving away 10 copies of the book (see below on how to get one).

OK – that said, why?

Honestly, I am sat in Starbucks at the moment drinking a cup of tea (don’t like coffee) and using their WiFi. Right outside is a group of lovely and well meaning Christians with an amplifier playing “You are my rock in times of trouble”. Oh, and I am sat in Slough which has a large Asian community. People are walking past either ignoring or laughing and joking at the Christians as they pass by. No one is taking a tract and no one is stopping to talk to them, yet, at least.

They have obviously not read this book.

I don’t know what it is about Christians that means they have to take their brains out and put them in a little box when it comes to church related activities. We stop thinking. Yet these same Christians will complain when a double-glazing salesman knocks on their door or yet another phone company calls them at home. When it comes to God, however, this type of approach will be OK because “God will bless what we do”. We stop thinking and stop being creative. Do we, in reality, become lazy?

Don’t get me wrong – I am not against open-air evangelism. I love the passion and drive of people that will make them do these things to reach a suffering world. My hat is off to them. But, being an entrepreneur, I can’t help but think of these guys outside Starbucks with my business hat on. What is the return on investment here? If open air evangelism was a business – we would do it differently, very very differently. But it isn’t – it is a mission. And so it is easier to keep in the same patterns. Christians have the passion and call to do something. They just aren’t very good at figuring out how they should do something.

(This is a video created by the author which highlights his points brilliantly!)

The Bible and real, practical solutions (not flighty theology)

Reising does something that I love – he takes his experience and knowledge of corporate marketing and mixes that with Biblical wisdom and asks so really important and probing questions. It is right up my street, and is the same approach that I have with en-thuse and my business – how do you blend the Bible and business today to create something that is absolutely outstanding?

Defining Marketing

Richard defines marketing as the management of perception. “That’s it. Plain and simple. Marketing. Managing people’s perceptions towards the hopeful end that they will respond to Christ and His church.” He tells us that perception “is how people feel about a thing. It is how they see a thing in relationship to themselves and to other things from their mindshare.” I would simply say it is how people think and feel about something.

Developing a marketing strategy

Developing a marketing strategy then, is done the same way you develop any strategy: understand where you want to go (vision), thoroughly understand where you at and plan how to bridge the gap between the two. Critical to this then, is understanding how people perceive your church right now, and you can’t do this by making the same old assumptions that we have all been making for the last 30 years – the world, communication and technology have all changed way too much (even in the last 2 years) for this.

Reising tells us that “there are over 30 references in the New Testament to Jesus perceiving people’s perception and changing His ministry direction, re-communicating, or deciding to halt communications altogether. Wow, Jesus perceived (marketing word, remember?) their perception (thoughts) of Him, and He said or did specific things to change the way people perceived Him.”

Understanding the scale of the task

This has a massive scope for us then – because everything we do as church leaders will have an impact on people’s perception of us, and Reising asks a lot of great questions to help you with this. From the sermons, the powerpoint, the language you use to whether or not your toilets are effectively signed posted.

How to get a free copy of Church Marketing 101

I have thoroughly enjoyed this book, and it has really helped me. My advice for any church leader is to read this book it is worth it, so much so – that I will give away 10 copies of the book to anyone who wants to read it – just post a comment below or contact me on Twitter (@mattedmundson) and I’ll happily send a copy, anywhere in the world.

If you have read the book – why not post your comments below too.

How do you think the church should manage it’s perception?

Cardboard Testimonies

Matt — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 10:04:18 +0000

This is a great video as it touches a number of my passions: I love to hear people’s stories, especially those that tell of God’s amazing ability to intervene in human circumstance and change it – and the other is that of presentation. This simple method of presentation is incredibly powerful, much better than having each of them talk – it adds much more impact.

Have a look: http://www.rhchurch.org/pages/cardboard-testimonies/

Why Men Hate Going to Church

Matt — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 10:48:02 +0000

I’ve read a great book recently – so good in fact, that I read it twice (the second time, making notes, underlining and generally de-facing the book all designed to help me remember with a little more clarity than I usually do). And I recommend you read it: Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow.

You won’t agree with all of it, and it may even make you a little angry in places (especially if you are the strung out feminist type) – but it will challenge you to think and at least form some of your own ideas.
The book is about why the number of males sitting on our church pews is diminishing. What is it about church that men hate and so don’t turn up?

There is one word that comes out time and time again throughout the book (and I have previously blogged about this word, because it is a word that really does not resonate with me), and the word is NICE. The men that do go to church end up turning into nice men: humble, tidy, dutiful even if a little boring.

Yet NICE is killing the male spirit, it is killing the church. It is time to stop being nice.

Murrow talks about how films show our fantasies. Nothing new there I know but interestingly when you look at the films men watch – action, adventure, risk, reward, performance, power and heroic sacrifice – you can see why men dream about saving the world with impossible odds. Power tools really took off when they took the drill and made it work with batteries – as then it is the perfect replica of a gun. We don’t drill holes – we blow up terrorist embassies with our Black and Decker.

My wife, on the other hand, really doesn’t like those films and she struggles when I let my boys watch them (and to be fair to Sharon, she does let me get on with it despite not understanding that this is what us boys “need”). Sharon likes “chick flicks” where there is romance and ultimately a relationship with a wonderful man.

And here in lies the problem – most churches emphasis the “relationship with Jesus”. Now don’t get me wrong, I know and Murrow knows about the importance of walking with Christ and our need for Him. But painting Christianity as a relationship with Jesus (another man) – for men is hard to understand. The church is full of feminine values and it drives men away saying that it is “boring and irrelevant”.

Murrow tells us that men want to succeed in everything that they do. Competence is important (again – nothing new if you are a man!). This is why we don’t ask for directions or read assembly instructions – it questions our competence. We also want to win. Friendly competition is good for us. But when it comes to church men don’t feel competent (compared to their wives) – so why compete. Other people are better.

Sports, hobbies, career, business and even video games create the competitive environments that allow men to reach greatness and even save the world. Church does not (at least usually).

We need a quest (that is such a great word!). An adventure. Danger. Not safety. We need guts (faith) and to rock the boat. Men make things happen. We are hard-wired for risk taking. And we’ll have fun doing it!

There was a statement in Murrow’s book that really stuck out to me:

Successful Christian living is defined not by the bold actions we take, but by the foolish actions we avoid. It’s not the goals that we accomplish, but the sins that we escape that make us good Christian men.

What a powerful statement and one that is so true of the modern church. Another quote of a quote from the book (!) “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein.

There are 340,000 churches in American, according to Murrow, all doing to about the same thing as the other. What makes us different? What makes us unique? As writer Jim Collins asked in Good to Great – what one thing do we do that we can be the best in the world at?

Paul told us that we are in Christ’s body – all different parts, all with value and all with a unique function. That unique function is called PURPOSE.

Men – what is your purpose? To save the world at impossible odds or become nice? To take risk? Have adventure and dream the impossible dream? It’s OK to seek greatness, despite what the “humility police” think. God can handle my failure a lot easier than He can handle my disobedience.

I have loved reading this book, and can recommend it to you. It really makes you think and challenge where you are at, and where you think your church is at.

Church Marketing & Beyond Relevance

Matt — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:20:21 +0000

Here’s a fun blog that I found recently thanks to Jerad Hill’s link – beyondrelevance.com. The owner of the blog, Richard L Reising (is it just me, or do other people wonder what the facination if America has with their middle initial?) was a clever marketing guy who from all accounts packed it all in and went and worked for the church.

So his take on it all is about how the church markets itself – which I find fascinating, even to the point where I have ordered his book (will let you know what I think of it once I have read it).

I am sure that I am doing him an injustice with this description – but one thing you should look at is his video: What if Starbucks Marketed Like the Church: A Parable

He’s given you the ability!

Matt — Mon, 26 May 2008 01:48:00 +0000

Pete sent me this – it was taken from the 22nd May reading from the UCB website:

‘God…gives you the ability to produce wealth…’ Deuteronomy 8:18

Without struggle, you’ll never develop your potential! Have you ever watched an ant carrying home a piece of bread that’s bigger than him? Success belongs to those too small to carry what they believe in but too stubborn to leave it behind! If God the Creator lives within you, then you are ‘creative’. That means when you can’t find a job, you can go out and create one.

If success doesn’t come after you, get up and go after it.

There are no risk-free plans. A young man once asked an old man, ‘What’s the secret of your success?’ ‘Good decisions,’ he replied. ‘How did you learn to make good decisions?’ the young man asked. ‘By making bad ones,’ the old man replied. Once you discover your gift and identify your dream, get on your mark, get set and go! Stop waiting for opportunity. Opportunity is the breath in your body and the strength of your mind. If you use your God-given gifts wisely, there’s no telling what you can do. But you must be a ‘doer’! God does not give us wealth; He gives us the power to get wealth. There’s a big difference. Too many of us sit down and wait for Him to drop everything into our lap.

A dream without corresponding action only aggravates the soul and amounts to nothing. God will give you the power to succeed but you have to take it, develop a plan and work at it. Okay?

What happens when you become perfect?

Matt — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 08:26:35 +0000

Taken from: http://www.cartoonchurch.com/blog/

“That’s my king” by Dr. S.M. Lockridge

Matt — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 14:27:36 +0000

“The Bible says my King is a seven-way king….He’s the King of the Jews; that’s a racial king….He’s the King of Israel; that’s a national King….He’s the King of Righteousness….He’s the King of the Ages…..He’s the King of Heaven….He’s the King of Glory….He’s the King of kings, and He’s the Lord of lords. That’s my King. Well….I wonder, do you know Him?….”

“David said, “The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings. He’s enduringly strong….He’s entirely sincere….He’s eternally steadfast….He’s immortally graceful….He’s imperially powerful….He’s impartially merciful……. Do you know Him?”

“He’s the greatest phenomenon that ever crossed the horizon of this world. He’s God’s Son….He’s a sinner’s Saviour….He’s the centerpiece of civilization….He stands in the solitude of Himself….He’s august….He’s unique….He’s unparalleled….He’s unprecedented….He’s the loftiest idea in literature….He’s the highest personality in philosophy….He’s the supreme problem in higher criticism….He’s the fundamental doctrine of true theology….He’s the cardinal necessity for spiritual religion….He’s the miracle of the age…. He’s… Yes He is….He’s the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him….He’s the only one qualified to be an all sufficient Saviour…… I wonder if you know Him today?”

“He supplies strength for the weak….He’s available for the tempted and the tried….He sympathizes and He saves….He strengthens and sustains….He guards and He guides….He heals the sick….He cleanses lepers….He forgives sinners….He discharges debtors….He delivers the captives….He defends the feeble….He blesses the young….He serves the unfortunate….He regards the aged….He rewards the diligent….and He beautifies the meek……. I wonder if you know Him?”

“Well, mister, my King….He is the Key….He’s the key to knowledge….He’s the wellspring of wisdom….He’s the doorway of deliverance….He’s the pathway of peace….He’s the roadway of righteousness ….He’s the highway of holiness….He’s the gateway of glory……. Do you know Him?”

“Well….His office is manifold….His promise is sure….His light is matchless….His goodness is limitless….His mercy is everlasting….His love never changes….His word is enough….His grace is sufficient….His reign is righteous….and His yoke is easy, and his burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you, …..but He’s indescrib……..Yea!!! Yea…Yea….He’s indescribable…..Yes He is!!! Good God! He’s, He’s indescribable….Yes, He’s indescribable….He’s incomprehensible….He’s invincible….He’s irresistible.”

“Well, you can’t get Him out of your mind….You can’t get Him off of your hand….You can’t out live Him, and you can’t live without Him….The Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him….Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him….The witnesses couldn’t get their testimonies to agree….Herod couldn’t kill Him….Death couldn’t handle Him, and the grave couldn’t hold Him. Yea!!!, that’s my King, that’s my King.”

“And…”Thine is the Kingdom….and the Power….and the Glory….Forever”….and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever. How long is that? And ever…and ever…and when you get through with all the forevers, then…. AMEN!….Good God Almighty….AMEN!

To hear the MP3 – visit: http://www.bryanturner.org/downloads/mp3/myking/MyKing.mp3

Or, if your want a version jazzed up to music by Scott Blackwell, try: http://www.bryanturner.org/downloads/mp3/myking/MyKing-ScottBlackwell-Clip.mp3